The topic of double standards between men and women when it comes to sex has been coming up a lot in my life lately. And I thought what better time to talk about this than on International Women’s Day?
When I was in highschool I was slut-shamed due to this double standard. A jealous guy of whom I would not sleep with found out I had hooked up with one of his friends. All he had to do to validate himself was tell everyone in the lunchroom what I had done, add in some embellishment of fictional or real sexual encounters, and topping it all off with the word slut…the cherry on top.
I became the subject of ridicule and shame from the popular girls and prey of the boys thinking they can get an easy score. This is part of why I started homeschooling my Sophmore year of highschool. And what do you think happened to the guy? Nothing, him and my “accuser” went skating later that day, some high-fives were passed around, and he went through the rest of the school year unburdened by judgment and shame.
He will never know how significant that moment was in my life. He will never know that it took me ten years to work through a fear that his ridicule was the foundation of. It was totally normal for boys to give-in to their rampant hormones and desires…”boys will be boys” after all. But girls, we were told in one way or another that our vaginas be treated like a collectable action figure that shouldn’t be taken out of the box and played with. The more it is used the less valuable it becomes. We are taught to be more modest while boys get to freely explore their sexual identities.
The time has come for this double standard to die. Women love sex just as much as men. A women’s value does not live between her legs. What a woman does with her body and who she does it with is her own business. In some cases women are just as guilty for slut shaming as men are…be better than that. We need to stick together.
I wrote this poem a couple weeks ago and didn’t think I was going to share it. I was afraid it was too risque and worried about backlash. But if I want to change the narrative I can’t allow that boy from highschool to influence my actions anymore!
Listening to your shallow breathing
After a night of love that shook the walls
And broke the bed frame
My hair touseled
My nipple peaking out shyly from under the sheets
I feel sexy here
I feel strong here
And for a moment I had forgotten about the shame
I had forgotten about the double standard that plagues
So many of us women
But here it comes, like a bad hangover
And I am pissed
Pissed that when we put our clothes on
He will walk out feeling proud and fulfilled
But I will walk out feeling paranoid and ashamed
Pissed that I can not wear my desires and thirst for love with dignity
Last night was full of power
He turned my flame into a raging fire
I want to light these streets up
Wearing each kiss, lick, scratch, and bite
As a woman who refuses to ignore
Her true nature